Park Hyatt NYC

NEW YORK IN GENERAL

This is supposed to be the newest 5-star hotel built in Manhattan since 11 years ago when the Mandarin Oriental was built. If that is true, then I say there remains a market for a truly luxurious experience. It would be unfair to say it was bad, as it is light years from bad, but it left a ton to be desired.

First things first, it is not on the Park. It acts like it’s on the park. It’s near the park. You can see the park from certain angles. But it ain’t in any way shape or form on the mofo’ing park. It’s about a block and half away just about in the middle of the park (it is blocked in the front by multiple, but primarily 2, giant mega park side buildings).

Secondly, the ground floor houses…nothing. The lobby, lobby restaurant, and lobby bar are all on the upper floors which makes coming and going a bit annoying. More importantly though! This building is like 90 stories high. When you see it you are like holy shit. Like holy shit for real. But then you realize that the Park Hyatt is actually only the first 30 floors or so. Fine if you are in Boise, but a real nut crusher in Manhattan.

I am not sure what happened when we checked in, but we were told to expect people whisking you away from your car with iPads to check you in and take you straight to your room. That is completely false. Not only is there a check in desk area at this hotel just like every other hotel, but they didn’t even take our luggage to the room. It was crazy uncomfortable as we dragged our luggage right next to the hostess who walked us to our room. She did a brief room introduction and then bailed…bad start.

The rooms are nice. Dark hard wood. Hallway with plenty of closet space with a living room at the end and the bedroom and bath on the side (the hallway also had a half bath). The living room had a curved couch and a giant TV and was on a corner so all walls on one side were windows (but again, you are primarily looking at buildings). The bedroom was almost entirely occupied by the bed (hard to move around) but the attached master bath made up for it. Huge vanity area. Huge 2 person tub. Huge and wonderful and amazing rainfall shower room. Last but possibly most, the toilet stall contained one of those $10K Japanese toilets, you know the ones where the Japanese girl stands there and wipes for you? IN any case, heated seats obviously. Sensors that raise and lower the lid accordingly. Multiple flush styles. Cleaning functions. AAANNNDDDD the most sophisticated bidet ever. Oh, you feel like front to back action, soft style, with some light oscillation? Yeah we got that 🙂

The mini bar was totally packed but every item was expensive as shit. Not like oh you should expect that expensive, more like you fucking asshole expensive. There was good pay per view BUT NO PORN. Like ZERO. Like what the fuck is your fucking problem. Room service was 24 hours (but we did have that concierge bagel issue where they tried to charge is almost 200 bucks! they did change it).

Notes

-I was originally supposed to get a 57th street studio (which are all on the 11th floor) with what they called a (curved window). They said it was a super cool feature and it was only available in these rooms. However, we got upgraded to a West Side suite (which they said was better) on the 16th floor so I never saw it.
-I didn’t totally understand the remotes. I like to think that the remotes are stupid…but maybe…
-The spa was the jam. They kind of include the gym, the pool, the whirlpool, and the hamam in the spa ameneties even though they are on separate sides of the building. All of these are on the top hotel floor and the gym is pretty bad ass. It covers the building front to back so you can choose from Park or City views/angles. Even the bathrooms in the gym were sick (huge area, awesome showers, womens had the park views as well). The pool was nice and supposedly had classical music playing underwater that you could barely not hear. The major problem with the pool is that they stupidly require a lifeguard to sit right in front of you. To be clear, it is the opposite of intimate, it is stupidly uncomfortable. The hamam was awesome and super steamy, and the whirlpool was also nice. The spa itself had a decent relaxation room but it’s more like a lobby than anything else. The treatment room (couples massage in this case) was huge with 3 areas, one with chairs for after your massage to city and look out at the city, then the standard massage table area, then the most amazing tub and shower area (which is kind of strange cause you can’t lock it and you aren’t sure how much time you have…ahem). But this shower, this shower. This is the shower to end all showers. The rainfall shower heads must of been 15 feet in the air. There were front jets, side jets, back jets. It was like a human car wash, and I love it. Like for serious.
-I did have a button fall off my coat while there and they repaired it and returned it in like 30 minutes…for free. Good show. Also, you get 2 free shirts pressed per stay.