So on our second trip to Tokyo we tried to do it better. I find myself still left wanting. I mean, a cab from the airport wanted over 200 dollars to go to the city center. That’s ridiculous by anyone’s standards. Like no city in the world has prices anywhere near that, and guess what, that fucking cab line was empty. Those cabbies should revolt. It’s like in the US how our cabbies always want those fixed rates increased, constantly increased, well these guys got what they wanted. Gotta love capitalism. In any case, I took a train to the hotel, which with proper instructions was really really easy. I did learn on the way back that without proper instructions, it’s fucking impossible (so we took that ridiculous 200 dollar cab ride, but in theory it got split 4 ways, at least philosophically speaking since I paid for the whole thing).

We stayed in Shinjuku, which has the crossing and a a bunch of restaurants and stores and such. It’s kind of like times square but not as centralized. The main area for our eating and drinking and experiencing Japan in this city spot was “piss alley” or memory lane. This is quite literally a piss smelling mash of a couple narrow lines filled with restaurants and bars. They are cool, they are quite Japanese, and they aren’t very expensive until you get hit with their stupid ass, we don’t know you, you don’t live here, go fuck yourself, per person charge. they don’t mention it before you go in and one night we found it to be more than our drinks even cost. Fuck that shit. Food is neat though, and done by what would be gourmet food truck guys in the US.

Shinjuku is also where we found our bad ass entertainment complex. Multiple levels with games, bowling, pool, and more. We got our ping pong on, we bowled like crazy at this non server having, psychedelic, how does this even survive, bowling alley, and then resigned ourselves to our cool ass golf room where we took shots and one of us almost caused my death by his pain and my laughter.

We went to the NY Bar and Grill at the Park Hyatt, which was interesting because it was featured in Lost in Translation, and it doesn’t really have a bar at all, more of a dry bar table. It also costs a cover charge just to get in (give or take 20 bucks each). The views are fantastic, but unless you’re on a date, this place might be unnecessary. We got some apps, but I wish we would’ve gotten a big steak there. It’s also a ridiculous hodgepodge of hallways and elevators just to make it to the top.

We went to High Five, which is in the high fashion shopping district of Ginza. Supposedly one of the best bars in the world and voted, at least twice, the best bar in Asia. This place sucks anus. It has about 8 seats at the bar and 2 tables. When we got there we had 4, and there were 4 seats at the bar, then the douchebag owner comes up and says that he doesn’t normally seat 4 people at the bar. Oh really, at your bar, you don’t seat people at the bar? You fucking condescending dick. You think you are serving something magical, that’s why you say this. You think this is a meal. Those bartenders made me cringe. The most holier than though bar I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been to a lot of holier than thou bars. These guys had drank the koolaid for far too long. Your in a 400 square foot space in the 5th floor of a building ya dumb fuck. Wake up.

Roppongi is fine, same as Kabukicho. Basically you will find a ton of Africans (I mean that literally) trying to get you to go to their club. But it’s not their club of course, they just get a kickback if you go. Never mind that when you go it will be full of ugly old women who are selling drinks for way too much. The problem with these guys isn’t that they exist, having been everywhere I totally get this and expect it, but there are just too many of them. Way too many. There is no way for anyone to make any money and thus everyone suffers. The one club, 7th heaven in Roppongi, that we went to the first time we came was like 50 bucks to get in, and there was no one in there! I truly don’t understand the Japanese, they seem perfectly content to make zero money as long as they stand by their principals of being the most expensive place out there. I mean we aren’t exactly college kids. One of the problems with both of these areas is that they don’t exactly have strip clubs. You are really just supposed to sit with the girls and buy them drinks until you pay them to have sex with you. Well call me old school, but I like to see a girl dance before I pay her to have sex with me! jk

One of my boys and I went on and on about how this supposedly modern city isn’t really modern at all. I mean what kind of modern city doesn’t accept credit cards, like anywhere. What kind of modern city doesn’t have ATM’s, like everywhere. These are major problems that we took serious issue with. Serious, drunken, yelling, issues with. I can’t even buy drunk late night food because you won’t take cards and there ain’t no ATM! What. The. Fuck.

We tried to find this sweet ass sushi place on our last night but got there too late, even though their front door said there was still time and there were seats at the bar…so we ended up eating tapas. Yup. Tapas. In Tokyo.

First trip thoughts…

Tokyo is one of the most foreign places a person can go in my opinion. The people are incredibly focused on the task at hand, whether that’s playing a video game or walking to a business meeting. The city is huge, supposedly advanced, and unquestionably interesting. I like the enormous amounts of street food…where even entire streets are dedicated to these permanent hovels (with plenty of well dressed people eating in them mind you). I like how when you walk into a sit down restaurant all the staff greets you very loudly and deliberately (though to me they might have been shouting “get the fuck out”). I loved and hated how everything was built vertically. We just don’t do that in the US, except in our shopping malls I guess. In Tokyo, you don’t go to an address, you go to an address and a floor. I like how there are numerous bars dedicated to “hosting” where gorgeous Japanese girls dressed like school girls sit around and flirt with old, fat, Japanese men. I like their love of Karaoke and how you can get a room to do just about anything…in our case we played 18 holes of video golf while being served Jager Bombs. I like the hustle of their major intersections and how tighter but almost more lighted they are than Times Square. I like the Japanese and would go back to Tokyo, if I could guarantee nice weather.

Notes to self:

-Americanized strip clubs are similar to the US, but the girls want to sit with you more than dance…actual Japanese strip clubs are the weirdest places on the planet where nobody talks, everyone claps when the stripper does an “interesting move”, and everyone takes (like really disgusting) pictures with her at the end. It’s the most respectful and dirty and fantastical strip experience you may ever have…ain’t cheap though.
-Norita airport is not near Tokyo. It’s like going from BWI to DC.
-ALSO. And also! Narita sucks! SUUUUUCCCKKKSSSS. Please let me leave. PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE. Me 10-1-2017. (note to self, a long layover in Narita is like the slow death, leave the fucking place next time, even if it’s just to get coffee in the nicer parts of the airport, THAT ARE BEFORE SECURITY!).


Keio Plaza Tokyo (Sep. 2015)

Hilton Tokyo (Dec. 2010)